September 11, 2009 - 12:20 a.m.
mind and body
rahhh not connecting
my brain is all floating all over and the heart keeps trying to grab it, there is a tug of war and its the mind that is attempting to instill logic into my stubborn heart, my stomach hurts, not sure if i was made for today's type of love or for not love whatever the hell it is where i am the one feeling too much. in this mud like emotion of wanting something magical to happen to make it all feel better than its reality and end this pain that roots initially in incredible pleasure
can't quite get myself in order of what i need, amazing how life creates dysfunction exactly in the area to be resolved
nagging little won't let me just enjoy things and ignore how i actually feel land. it all needs to be examined or done being examined. other things need to get done- have some potential jobs on the horizon which is refreshing and almost complete with the business plan!meh it's that day again- probably will be that blue sky again, would be better if it was gloomy or it rained. last year on this day i was on the set of 30 rock-reminds me i need new headshots and a swift kick in the pants grr i want not to want that my heart wants but won't allow me and to end the constant patterns in my mind - just want to be. goin to sleep
